The story began in the beginning of campus life. My parents divorced and I broke up with my first boyfriend whose we’ve been together for 5 years and almost 7months.

I don’t feel anything when it happened. It just happened. So, yeah, I’ve tried my best to accept it. Until I tried to open up my heart and accept someone to be a part of my life. To replaced my first boyfriend. To fixed up my heart. But, the thing is… I don’t know that the ultimate problem starts right there. 

No. I don’t blame him. I blame me. I blame myself for being so such annoying and reckless.

I’m happy with him, I admit. We’ve been always laughing. We’ve been always lovey-dovey. We’ve been always together.

Until one day, suddenly when I’m with him, my hearts are suck. It feels like there’s something big inside it and I have to take it off but I don’t know what was that.

I cried. Just like a baby. Just like a depression girl he ever seen.

It’s so ashamed but I’ve tried to be my-own-self. And I think, he hates me now. He broke us. He broke me. He broke my heart into pieces until I lost the real best of me.

He was tried to change me. He never cares. He never been the one who cares. He always did what he wants. And he never think a bit of my feelings.

He left me alone with my loneliness. He left me when I need someone to talk to. He left me when I need someone who can embrace me tight.

I thought he was the best. But absolutely he’s the worst. He always been like this. He does. He is. He always be the one who broke my heart into pieces.

But, it’s okay we’re not going to talk about him. I’m going to talk about my Schizophrenia after we’re break up.

No, I’m not proud of myself being one of someone who diagnosed by Schizophrenia. It’s shameful. I have to admit it. I’m afraid I’d be labeled as a freak one while I knew I have capability to be a great one.

I’m afraid someone will think that I’m such a freak. I’m afraid there’s no one who can accept as who I am. I’m afraid I’d be left by someone that I love anymore.

It’s hurting. It hurts to know that the one that you love with full of your heart is loving you just not as much as you do.

So, always prepare for the worse. And never trust someone clearly and completely.

Schizophrenia is suck. Really. I can’t appeal my emotion.

I can’t express everything. I can’t talk. I can’t cry. I can’t smile. I can’t laugh. Nor being a sympathy one. I’m suck a jerk, I think.

I can’t listen to the music. I can’t watch movie. I can’t do anything.

I was hating myself for being so freak.

It’s suck. Schizophrenia is really suck.

Ah, I don’t want to feel that way anymore!

My imaginary world always trapped me. I can’t talk to someone. I can’t study. I always trapped on my own mind. I feel it for almost 6months.

It really bothers me. It bothers my life.

I was a co-head committee in my campus and I have to let it go. I’m so disappointed with myself. I also make everyone disappointed with me. I hate it. I hate it more than I hate to have a low grade.

But the point is… I’m okay now. I already came back as one of committee at campus! Yey!

As you see. I’m happier than I ever be😃

And I declare myself that I’m perfectly recovery!!!😋

(Even tho I knew that Schizophrenia is one of difficult case which someday it can bothers me again, but I will try my best to not)

Be grateful with what you have now and always spread happiness! 😉